The fun of grocery shopping

I was at the grocery store this weekend, and as much as people complain about people's behavior while shopping, I just don't see what the fuss is about. But I thought I'd draw up a list of acceptable behavior anyway:

• Shopping is a family event. Bring all the children. The more the merrier. They'll need energy for all that walking around, too, so make sure to feed them lots of high-sugar snacks and sodas in the car.
• And speaking of the children, don't try to surpress their natural exhuberance. Children have lots of enery and enthusiasm they need to express. If they want to do cartwheels in the frozen foods section, who are you to say no?
• For slightly older children, enlist their help. If they're old enough to see over the top of the cart, they're old enough to push it, no matter the weight difference between the two of them.
• Make sure to walk alongside your cart, and pull it along behind you. Using the handles is just so last year. You look cool doing that, and traffic is only supposed to go one-way down the asile, anyway.
• Use the cell phone. Use it lots. Use it loudly. There's no point in wasting time that could be otherwise used for gossiping with your friends. And don't worry about using it at the deli counter. We'll be happy to wait.
• Using the handsfree attachment for your cellphone is a good idea, too. Having a conversation with thin air doesn't make you look psychotic at all.