Leave me behind, you go on ahead

Billy has started Softcore Gamer, reviewing computer games for the casual gamer. Sort of in that line, I was going to actually pick up and play Left Behind: Eternal Forces, to see if it really and truly was as awful as all the reviews said it was. The game was released about six months ago, and has been almost universally panned, so I figured I'd be able to pick up a copy fairly cheap.

I was wrong. Not only is the game still retailing for around $40, used copies are still going for about $25 on eBay. Much as I wish to keep you well-informed, Gentle Reader, I don't like you that much.

Most of the non-gameplay objections to the title center around the fact that the game, which takes place post-Rapture, involves either converting neutral characters to Evangelical Christianity or killing them. So it's a choice of my way or eternal damnation. Good. Evil. Black. White. There are no shades of gray. Just like in the real world, kids!

Even if I could find a copy of the game cheap, I'd now be reluctant to install it. It turns out that the game comes enabled with spyware. Eeeew. The game displays in-game advertisements for EBGames, GameStop, the Ad Council, and other businesses and organizations. These can be updated by the software online, and it also uploads viewing information and God knows what else.

Just to give you an example of the sort of philosophy that this game espouses, the neutral characters in the game that the player can recruit come in both male and female versions. The male version can be pretty much any character type: doctor, disciple, manly strapping construction worker, etc. Female neutrals can be: musicians and nurses. That's it. Nurses, seriously? One wonders what these women are even doing outside the kitchen. (Note: The game's Wikipedia page says otherwise, but I've found two reviewers, PC Gamer and Ars Technica, that both make a note of it.)

So you'll have to excuse me, but I'm going to leave this game behind.