This just in

I'll sum up all of the non-stop news coverage for you for the next day or so:

The Pope is not dead yet.

This will, of course, be slightly modified upon his death, along with several multi-hour retrospectives on his life which will undoubtedly credit him with singlehandedly defeating Communism (*cough* China *cough*) and the USSR and will basically ignore the Church's willful blindness to the pedophilia in it's ranks.